Emanuel A. Oppenheimer

Emanuel A. Oppenheimer

THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!

Unbelievable! Racist and jealous conservative pricks are trying to frame O.J. Simpson again! As if they didn't learn the first time, when they tried to pin a bogus murder rap on him, now they're saying he's guilty of armed robbery and kidnapping. Can't they just leave the poor guy alone? What's going on here? Republicans obviously can't stand O.J. because he's a successful African-American man stealing their thunder. He's one of the greatest running backs that ever played the game and he played for the best NFL team that ever existed. I mean, what other team can go to four superbowls in a row and lose every single one? None, that's who! They even hate his name. Because O.J. reminds people of orange juice, and orange is a different color other than white, he's inferior in their eyes. That's a shame! When are we going to realize that we're all just people, with no differences at all between us? If I was an African-American, I would be so furious that I would pull the pick out of my hair and throw it across the room!

As a sidenote, please do not comment to this blog if you're a Republican. Some guy named Conservative Phil (an obvious play on my name) commented previously, and I was mortified. Don't you guys know I can't stand you and your twisted politics? Do you not read these pages? I do not wish to debate you about political topics as you may say something logical and I'll have no way to come back at you. For now, only write to me if you have something liberal and friendly to say. We'll leave it at that.

I have come to the conclusion that I am being gang-stalked, and I blame President Bush for it. He must've seen this blog and panicked. He's obviously not used to getting criticism and wants it to stop. The Patriot Act, Bush's evil little brain-child, allows him to spy on Americans, and I believe that's exactly what he's doing to me. I've obviously become a huge threat to his administration. If anything ever happens to me, like I disappear off the face of the Earth, then I will need you, the good liberal readers, to continue this fight. Just remember that the freedom of humankind is at stake here. I may be hiding out in the sewers for awhile, but I will submerge from time to time to post. Keep the faith (not religiously, of course, as we're Democrats)!

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.

BUSH CRIES LIKE A GIRL!

If you happened to catch the article about Bush, the one where he admits that he cries daily, then you probably thing he's a total girly-man. I know I do. Only women cry, not men. What's wrong with him, too much estrogen? What a jerk. I hate Bush and every one of his tears. They're probably laced with venom. He should be crying for the millions of soldiers that he killed and the innocent terrorists he tortured. He should cry that a good man like Saddam Hussein was put to eath like a common criminal. He should be crying that the Middle East is now a very violent place thanks to him, unlike before we got there. He should be crying for depleting our d-zone. Where are future generations going to walk?

Off-subject, I was watching a television show yesterday and one of the characters made a comment to the effect that Republicans are right. So what does that make us, wrong? I was so offended and angered that I shut the set off and had my cable service disconnected for good. I will never stand for that kind of talk ever again! Before this incident, however, I caught an interview with Fred Thompson, who apparently will announe his candidacy for president in the next few days. What a jerk! I hate Fred Thompson with a passion. I actually used to like him in movies and stuff until I learned of his political leanings, then I immediately hated him. I urge you all to hate him as well. This man does not think as we do, and that makes him dangerous.

I wrote a song the other day all about how much I hate Bush and Fred Thompson. The lyrics go like this: "I hate Bush so bad.. Fred Thompson's a fad.. no one will vote for him in November of 2008 because he's very conservative and he would be the worst thing for this country and because he's for the Iraq war and because he's a lousy actor and I've always hated him and Obaka will kick his butt in November of 2008.." It's still a work in progress, but you get the idea.

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.

TED NUGENT IS A JERK

I was watching TV yesterday, and accidentally flipped to Fox News, where they were talking about Ted Nugent. Apparently, at one of his recent shows, he said horrible and unflattering things about Obaka and Hillary Clinton. He also used curse words and hand signals to emphasize how much he didn't like them. What a jerk! He should be locked up for the things he said. Why doesn't a law enforcement agency do something? I'm so mad that I'm angry! Show me one single document where it says that this man can go around saying whatever he feels like. You can't, because it doesn't exist. What a loser!

He's also big into hunting, which is wrong and cruel. Why does he have to target defenseless animals? Hunting is never OK, not even if you're starving to death. If you're starving, and have no other recourse, I suggest you first go to Olive Garden and have a big meal. After all, when you're there, you're family. Hunting wasn't even OK when we were cave men, so why is it now? Since we know for an absolute and definitive fact that we descended from apes, I suggest that Ted Nugent skipped a step in the evolutionary cycle and is therefore a neandrethal. Who gave him permission to have weapons to hunt with anyway? Show me one single document where it says that this man has the right to possess firearms and compound bows. You can't, because it doesn't exist. I hate Ted Nugent and all his politics. Rockers are supposed to be liberals. What's wrong with him?

I also got to catch Bill O'Reily for a bit. What a jerk! He's got nothing good to say about liberals ever. I also think that he's a racist because he refused to agree with Rev. Al Sharpton on a serious issue. Only a racist would openly disagree with an African-American, and for the whole world to see! I can't wait until Obaka or Hillary win the race and shut down Fox News once and for all. Then Maybe Bush will have to watch CNN and know what's really going on in the world. CNN hates Bush, I mean really hates him. I love that they always show him in the worst possible light. Thank the Big Bang for channels like CNN, who tell me what to think so I don't have to do it on my own. Who wants to do all that work?

Anyway, I think I found a way to get back at Ted Nugent. I've decided to have a protest outside of his Waco, Texas home. I'm going to do it in the dense woods, so that I'll ruin his hunting trip. I'll even dress in a realistic dear costume to prove my point that hunting is wrong. that'll show him!

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.

THE CHRISTIANITY CONCERN

What's all this fuss about the way that Miss Teen USA contestant answered that geography question? I saw the tape of it on Youtube, and I thought the way she answered was intelligent and well-spoken. Did I miss something? It must be an inside joke. Anyway, on to more pressing news: due to the high volume of hits I've been receiving on this site, I would kindly ask everyone if they limit their visit to this site to 49 minutes a day. This will ensure that everyone gets an opportunity to glance over my latest musings. I've also received many complaints that I do not post often enough, so I will henceforth do better in that regard. Many questioned why I did not post the second Attorney general Gonzales quit, but the answer to that should be obvious.

I was reading a news story yesterday about a PA high school that allowed a group of Christian students to gather by the flag pole and pray after school. When I read that, I was so mad I could spit! No, really, people, I saw red! What ever happened to seperation of church and state? Why did we kick God out of school if we're going to allow this funny business? Last year we had that story about a school that wanted to put on an X-mas play, and now this! Those people had the audacity to try and recreate a manger scene in front of the student body. How offensive is that?! If nothing else, it would have ruined the Hanukkah and Kwanzaa plays that the school was presenting at roughly the same time period. I've always contended that Christians are nothing more than right-wing fascists who can't stand Jews or African-Americans, and the fact that they want to invade the public school system with their religious ideolgy further proves my point. A couple of years ago, I decided to boycott X-mas all together. It was obvious to me that it was not commercial enough, and I couldn't see Christians doing their part to commercialize it further. Because many stores and television commercials no longer say, "Merry X-mas," rather, "Happy holidays," I decided to do that too. Only, when I say, "Happy holidays," I mean Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, not X-mas.

I was turned off the idea of Christianity by Bush and other Republicans. If they're Christians, then I don't want to be one. Besides, it's not so popular anymore, so why would I waste my time? I'm currently looking into a more fashionable religion, like Islam. They're cool, and they don't believe in war and violence like other people we know. I feel sorry for Muslims in this country. Everyone looks at them like they're potential terrorists. Our government uses illegal wiretaps to spy on them, and then arrests them just for planning an attack. In other words, they didn't even commit a crime yet, and they're arrested! What brand of justice is that? So what if they're planning an attack? That doesn't mean they're going to go through with it. Arrest them after the attack, not before. Duh!

No self-respecting liberal should ever call himself a Christian. The Bible contradicts a lot of the beliefs that we hold dear, like our right to massacre fetuses, et. al. If you're a true liberal, you can not prescribe to the teachings in that ancient book. So don't. It's that simple. I hated seeing Bill and Hillary walking out of that church during Regan's funeral. They don't belong there, and they know it. It must have been horrible for them. My dream is that one day all the churches in America will close (except for those belonging to politically correct or in-religions). I don't want my children to grow up in a nation where morals are dictated by a 2000 year old novel. We're liberals, dammit! We don't want or need moral restraint!

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.

THE SWEET TASTE OF IMPEACHMENT

I have a new hero and his name is Lane Hudson. Lane runs a blog called http://www.newsfortheleft.blogspot.com/ It's exactly what it sounds like: news for lefties like us. Lane is an important man with C-SPAN, yet he finds time in his busy schedule to help me know what to think. In every one of his posts he says something bad about George Bush and the Republicans. I love it! Finally, someone else with the courage to voice their disapproval of this evil regime. Lane's blog is important, maybe even moreso than mine, so please take a look at it. Lane and I think exactly alike; you may even say we are affiliated. I 'm sure he agrees with my thoughts as well.

Another juicy piece of nugget I found on the internet this week is the site http://www.thetip.org/

This is a great site; they hate Bush, I mean they can't stand him! If you go to www.thetip.org/impeach.php, there is an online Bush impeachment petition that you can sign. I lookat at it briefly, but there must have been half a trillion names or something. Everyone hates Bush! See, I knew it. If you scroll down the petition about 1/5 of the way, you'll find a very surprising name, indeed. Believe it or not, it says, "George Bush, Washington, D.C." Can you believe it? Bush even wants himself impeached! Maybe we should go ahead and do him the favor. Also, the petition lists many reasons why he should be impeached, and all the lies he and Cheney have told us. Please read it as it is good primary authority.

I've decided to finally start writing my first manuscript. My working title is, "I'm so left I'm going in circles." It will be about how much I hate Bush and how much I would love it if we had an African-American president like Senator Obaka. For one thing we'd be safer as a nation. Everyone knows the only reason terrorists target us for attacks is that they hate Bush. With all the many years experience in politics Obaka has, he will most likey sit down with the leaders of Al Qaida and negotiate a resolution. He will undoubtedly apologize for our country being the way it is, and promise that we'll change. I don't know about you, but sometimes I just want to violently rip apart the flag in shame and disgust. We're the bullies of the world, plain and simple. I can't wait until we have a president that will knock us down a peg or two! Maybe then countries like France will respect us.

The last thing I want to mention is that I noticed that Jenna Bush is engaged to a white man. A white man, in this day and age! How overtly racist can this family be! We already know, thanks to Spike Lee, et. al., that Bush's slow reaction to Katrina relief was racially-motivated. Had it been Beverly Hills that was decimated, Bush would have gotten all of those people out of there in 14 seconds! Instead, millions died because Bush and his deep-seeded predjudice. What's next, will his other daughter marry another white man? What's going on? Thank God (just an expression) TV and movies don't portray relationships in this racist manner. That old Jim Crow mentality is gone now. I'm getting very sick of racism, and I'm sure that if Obaka wins, he'll end it once and for all.

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.

REPUBLICANS HATE THE ENVIRONMENT AND RACISM IN THE NFL

There's been some new talk in Washington about drilling for oil in Alaska. The democrats oppose any legislation of this type because even though it would reduce our dependency on foreign oil, it would displace thousands of caribou. I wholeheartedly agree with the Dems (as always). So what if we are paying three dollars a gallon for gas as long as the caribou can roam around free as the wind? I think it's a fair sacrafice. After all, they were here trillions of years before us, back when Earth was part of the sun. If we let Halliburton set up shop in Alaska, where would all the wildlife go? It's not like there's tons of room up there. Herds of innocent caribou would most likely be pushed into the frigid sea and drown, or at the very least scratch their forearms on jagged icebergs. Can we allow the GOP to slaughter countless animals just so Bush and would-be-assassin Cheney can line their pockets? Not in my lifetime!

Speaking of environmental issues, when are the Republicans going to take global warming seriously? This is a real threat, people, and the GOP is ignoring it. I heard Al Gore speaking last week, and he said if we don't do something now, it will be on the average of 10 degrees hotter in 100 years. That means that in ten billion years, we'll be part of the sun again! No one could survive those temperatures. Mankind would be arradicated! That's probably what Bush wants (population control- I've mentioned it before). Anyway, I had to go out this morning to buy some organic dove eggs, and it was freezing out. It's been unseasonably cool up here. Can you imagine having to wear a coat and gloves in August? What's going on?

I have to mention one quick fact, off-subject. This NFL off-season has seen a record number of player arrests. Many are now being suspended or otherwise punished by the commisioner. One thing that struck me as off-pudding, however, is the lack of racial diversity among the players. Unbelievably, every single NFL player who was arrested and subsequently disciplined by the NFL was African-American! How racist is that?! What is this, Mississippi Burning? Not one of these guys were white, not one! When is the NFL going to start punishing white players when they eventually get arrested? I'm so sick of this overt racism, that I'm thinking of boycotting the league all together. I wish I was African-American so I could be even more upset!

This world is going to Hell (figuratively- not likes it's a real place) in a handbasket. The only thing that keeps me waking up each morning is the thought that one day I'll turn on CNN (not FOX News) and hear that they impeached Bush. OOOOH! What a glorious day that'll be!

Liberal Johnny. Thanks for listening.